AUTHOR: SEEKING HELP CRITICAL IN TROUBLED RELATIONSHIPS

Author: Seeking help critical in troubled relationships
WOODTV News
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 11:25 PM CST
Updated: Jan 14, 2008 11:25 PM CST
http://www.woodtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=7624580&nav=menu44_2
GRAND RAPIDS -- A Holland police officer confessed to killing his wife in her home, according to court documents. Ken DeKleine was formally charged Monday.

Members of DeKleine's church were in the courtroom Monday, stunned by what has been taking place. They say his apparent actions don't reflect the man they knew -- a seemingly good person.
24 Hour News discovered Lori DeKleine had filed a personal protection order against her husband a year ago.

Holland Police Chief John Kruithoff says he knew the couple was going through a separation, but beyond that there were no warning signs.

"Now what he suppressed inside of him, yeah, I mean, you can suppress something inside of you and I can be your best friend and if you don't want me to know it I'm not going to know it," Chief Kruithoff told 24 Hour News 8.

Psychologist Randy Flood is director of the Men's Resource Center in Grand Rapids and co-author of Stop Hurting the Woman You Love.

Flood has over 15 years experience in domestic violence counseling. He says even men who appear authoritative and confident in public may be suffering from unseen insecurities and show signs of potential abusive behavior.

"Usually you have to have a propensity for control from the outset. And then if someone's life is chaotic or stressful, that can fuel and exacerbate that need for control," said Flood.

Flood says seeking help is critical, and in the case of Lori DeKleine the personal protection order was the right move. But sometimes violent behavior is hard to predict and harder to prevent.

"If a person really wants to hurt someone, then sometimes that person can do that, and limits won't stop them," said Flood.

Ken DeKleine recently spent a year in Iraq training soldiers. Chief Kruithoff said he suspects the troubles in DeKleine's marriage began during that time.